I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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