I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are all done wearing pants today
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
