So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
