so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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