Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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