Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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