whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
