in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize