Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
