my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
