she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
