oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
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