Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Me too!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize