I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
