Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize