in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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