i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
