After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
