there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
