I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Boobs are out for the taking
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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