I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
