I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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