I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
