doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
