she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
