people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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