Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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