I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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