could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize