If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
