porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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