If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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