yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
