I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
