Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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