His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
