Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
