I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
