i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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