Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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