did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
