A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
