I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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