I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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