Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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