Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
