I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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