he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
