I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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