I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
