just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
