Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
