I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
