question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
