Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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