woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
