who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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