I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
