...so i touched it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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