If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize