i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
