In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
