just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
