i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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