Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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