Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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