I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
