The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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